Unbelievable. While I admire your impeccable aim, Bird, did you have to drop your disgusting delivery right into my drink? Like a holiday hailstorm, from heaven dropped the huge mess, perfectly puncturing my peach tea with a resounding "Plop". I felt the can shudder in my hand, as if it could taste the fiend that desecrated its insides.
What you don't realize, Bird, is that you have destroyed my day's lifeline! All of my accomplishments so far this day (getting out of bed, remembering my lunch, almost making it to the bus on time) were accomplished under the assumption that I would have a peach tea energy drink to add flavor to my morning trek to the bus stop. But alas, your fowl plan destroyed my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly, my only source of energy!
Tell me, what stimulus do I have to get out of bed tomorrow, or the next day, when I know you will be waiting to destroy my delicious drink with your dastardly deeds yet again? What reason have I to spend $1.99 ($1.79 with Safeway club card) on such a hopeless endeavor? None, I tell you, NONE!
Be warned, Bird, for if tomorrow you launch another attack on me and my innocent Precious, I shall begin a war with all the energy I have (which is roughly equivalent to that of a nyquil-drunk raccoon on a humid afternoon). But I shall shake my fist defiantly in your direction!
(And by the way, Bird, you owe me $1.99. Or $1.79 if you have a Safeway club card.)
12 years ago
0 comments:
Post a Comment