Annoying Alliteration, Bothersome Birds, and Waging Wars

Unbelievable. While I admire your impeccable aim, Bird, did you have to drop your disgusting delivery right into my drink? Like a holiday hailstorm, from heaven dropped the huge mess, perfectly puncturing my peach tea with a resounding "Plop". I felt the can shudder in my hand, as if it could taste the fiend that desecrated its insides.

What you don't realize, Bird, is that you have destroyed my day's lifeline! All of my accomplishments so far this day (getting out of bed, remembering my lunch, almost making it to the bus on time) were accomplished under the assumption that I would have a peach tea energy drink to add flavor to my morning trek to the bus stop. But alas, your fowl plan destroyed my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly, my only source of energy!

Tell me, what stimulus do I have to get out of bed tomorrow, or the next day, when I know you will be waiting to destroy my delicious drink with your dastardly deeds yet again? What reason have I to spend $1.99 ($1.79 with Safeway club card) on such a hopeless endeavor? None, I tell you, NONE!

Be warned, Bird, for if tomorrow you launch another attack on me and my innocent Precious, I shall begin a war with all the energy I have (which is roughly equivalent to that of a nyquil-drunk raccoon on a humid afternoon). But I shall shake my fist defiantly in your direction!

(And by the way, Bird, you owe me $1.99. Or $1.79 if you have a Safeway club card.)

Manipillation

I finally found a solution to my chronic headaches - carry Advil with me. I don't even need to use it, apparently bringing it with me wherever I go is enough to keep the headaches away. Usually I would get daily headaches, which Advil never really did much for, but on occasion I would become so frustrated that I would go buy the little overpriced two-pack of Advil pills and take them in an attempt to do something about the pounding in my head.

Recently I decided to just buy a bottle of Advil and carry it in my purse, and ever since then I haven't gotten a single headache. Of course, with every step I take I can hear those pills rattling around in the bottle, and sometimes it gets so irritating that I just want to rip the bottle out of my purse and throw it in the nearest trash can, but I know once I do that, my headaches will start again. So I continue to endure the rattling, like a million little pills laughing at me, knowing it's the only thing keeping me from forehead-stabbing pain.

Thought-Bursts, Unicorns, and Unstoppable Awesomeness

So this is my first blog entry. I bet everyone starts their first blog entry like that. Now I'm typical... thanks Peach, great way to start off your blog. AND you just referred to yourself in the third person. Maybe you should have called your blog "Epic Fail".

I have no idea what to write about, but considering my brain constantly spurts out random, off-the-wall thoughts, I figure I might as well try to write some of the more interesting ones down.

So far I can't think of anything. Great.

Usually my thoughts are like a Group Circle - all sitting in a circle of chairs, taking turns to talk when I call on them. Of course, you always have those "crazy" ones who sit and talk to themselves, and sometimes you end up hearing what they say even when you're trying to concentrate on what a more important Thought is saying. But for the most part, my Thoughts are respectful and well-organized.

Then, every so often - usually when I drink an energy drink, or haven't gotten much sleep, or randomly for NO reason at all - my Thoughts decide to play that game where the person in charge announces a characteristic, and whoever has that characteristic gets up and runs around to find another seat to sit in, except whoever is in charge decided to choose "Thought" as the characteristic, so all my Thoughts jump up excitedly thinking "Yay, I am a Thought!" and start running around and pushing each other over to get a seat, and it's really very confusing and unorganized.

And that's what this blog is for! And by the way, I did just have an energy drink. Go Girl Peach Tea Bliss to be exact... more on my addictions later.

I wish I could make this blog more exciting for you, like draw pictures. But alas, I'm not nearly as cool as Allie is. And I definitely did not make this blog just so I could follow her, because that would be weird and stalkerish. And also, I really like the word "alas".

Other things you should know about me:

• I have three insane cats, one who thinks he's a dog.
• I get random and unstoppable cravings for cheeseburgers. Or egg salad.
• My short "Thought-Bursts" happen a lot, and may happen here.
• I think I should patent "Thought-Bursts" because that phrase is awesome.
• I get distracted easily, especially when making lists.
• Sometimes a unicorn randomly pops into my head.
• And sometimes when people are talking, in the back of my head I hear Napoleon Dynamite saying "Flipping ridiculous!"
• My hobbies:
• Collecting napkins
• Saying ridiculous things in a serious voice to confuse people
• Sugar rushes
• Making lists
• Making lists inside of lists
• Being unable to have just one item in an indented list
• Talking to my cats
• ...And pretending they respond
• Unnecessary and Frequent Capitalization
  

That's really all you need to know about me right now. The rest will hit you with unstoppable and colorful force sometime in the near future.